Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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