it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
We are two peas in an std pod
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
