My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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