theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
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Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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