There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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