How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
