Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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