I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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