some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
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Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
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Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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