Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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