Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
