all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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