Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
