If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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