I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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