If that was your dad, he is hot
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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