he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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