You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌