***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?