using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize