He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
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Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
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Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.