I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president