piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino