: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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