Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
27 Hairstyles That Always Come With A Matching Personality
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.