yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
