Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
