I just cut my nipple shaving
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
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Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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