sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't watch enough power rangers
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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