So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
should my penis look like a turkey
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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