....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
