put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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