yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
