yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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