I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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