even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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