I can tuck mytits in my pants
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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