Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
