Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
God, I missed his penis.
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