she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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