First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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