Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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