jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
