I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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