I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I still have a little drunk in my system
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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