Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
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apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
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Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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