words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
