Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
