I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
