I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
