oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
