I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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