She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
not ubering you a puppy
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
