The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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