You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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