First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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