how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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