I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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