nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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