Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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