he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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